Walt Disney World's Graveyard & The Tombstones Within
The Most Magical Graveyard On Earth
When crypt doors creak and tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts materialize and begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
When Crypt Doors Creak
There are quite a few graves in this… happily haunted cemetery…
Welcome, foolish mortal. We’ve been dying to meet you.
You’ve wandered into hallowed ground — not of traditional graves. No. These tombs don’t cradle brittle bones or crumbling teeth. You’ll find much more haunting creatures beneath these headstones.
Legends.
Phenomena.
Phantoms not comprised of white wisps and cold air.
You’ll find our ghosts are much stranger.
A Rhine-bound siren who never set sail…
A joyriding toad left cold in the road…
A mechanical owl who once narrated the West…
All snuffed out like a candle in a thunderstorm.
And that’s just the welcome party.
So please, step lively. We have quite the collection to pay respects to, and each dearly departed would be delighted to have an audience. So, pay no mind to the shadows that follow. They’re merely remnants of the lost, eager to not be forgotten. But, do mind your footing — some of them don’t like to stay buried.
Shall we begin?
Tombstones Quake
Here Lies: The Loreley
Here rests the Rhine who set no sail. Her rivers left dry by corporate will.
Ah… our first grave. Tread gently. The water runs deep here even if the ride never did.
You’re standing before a tomb without a corpse, a dock without a boat, a dream denied its current. This is the final resting place of the Rhine River Cruise, a wistful voyage through old-world Germany that never quite left port.
Some call her The Loreley. Others, German Rivers.
You see, nestled within Epcot’s Germany Pavilion is a curious facade — a mural. Charming. Vivid. Too… contrived. The kind of picture meant to distract you from a secret.
What’s behind it?
Two heavy wooden doors. Sealed shut. A queue never queued. A flume never filled. A river never run.
The Rhine.
The Rhine River Cruise was meant to be a slow-moving ode to the fairytale veins of Europe. A twilight journey down the Rhine, the Isar, the Tauber, and the Ruhr. Through the Black Forest’s misty hush, past miniature castle models of Berg Eltz and Schloss Neuschwanstein, through Oktoberfest festivities aglow with lantern light, beneath the looming shadows of Cologne Cathedral. The full Brothers Grimm come to life, all without leaving your riverboat.
But alas... no sponsor came to fund the tale. And Disney, ever the penny-counting prince, chose not to be its own patron. Phase II of Epcot’s grand vision — an authentic wonderland of international explorations — withered before it ever blossomed.
Still, the groundwork was laid. Quite literally. The queue and load areas were built. The show building encompassing the Black Forest and Oktoberfest was completed. Even Biergarten’s buffet? A cleverly disguised exit corridor. Guests pile their plates with bratwurst and strudel, unaware they’re within the route out of an unlaunched ride or that the cast members serving their schnitzel are standing atop the sealed over flume thereof.
What is a dream, denied by design? Is it dead? Or just... in wait?
A ride system asleep beneath the surface, a story half told, a show building entombed, masked in mural. The doors once visible, proudly a promise. Now hidden behind paint, rendered a swansong.
And perhaps, if you squint just right, you will see it. A glimpse of the shadow of The Loreley flickering against the buffet walls. A faint silhouette of a German riverboat returning to load passengers unseen. A phantom cruise liner drifting throughout backstage corridors, never touching water, never permitted passage.
In a shimmer, a ship just at the edge of your vision. Ready to board. But never called forward.
Disney has the means now. The will? That's a darker tale yet…
So raise your stein, dear mortal. To the ride that never was.
For here lies The Loreley, still lost in the River Rhine despite stealing the heart of Epcot.
Now, our next grave awaits. Do watch the cobblestones. They’ve been known to trip the living.